I Walk Away
I walk, I walk away-I walk away and I donít think about the way things couldíve been or shouldíve been, what Iíve missed,what Iíll be missing or where Iím supposed to go from here- I donít think about what went wrong or what Iím losing or if thereís anything to be lost at all-
thereís no thinking about it, thereís no hedging my losses, no regretting what wasnít or isnít or whatíll never be. Thatís my way, thatís what I do. I walk away, I pack my bags and I walk away and I donít look back and I never ever hold onto anything, not a picture or a memory or a voice or a moment spent swinging on porches, swinging on splintered porches, not a thing, not a night, not a palm, not a breath of heat, not a thing, not ever, never, but now, now
now Iím looking back. Now Iím looking back and Iím holding on and Iím thinking about what Iíve lost and what I had and what Iíll never have again. Iím thinking about the way things shouldíve been and couldíve been about the way things were, thinking about the impenetrable tragedy of the thing- Itís pathetic, pathetic, Iím sick with it
Iím sick with it really, all split and fragile, sad, I donít know why, I donít know why,-it was nothing, it was nothing really, just another man in another time in another place, nothing, but Iím sad with it, sad with it really, Iíve got miles of rope, miles of fat rope binding wrists and arms binding mind and soul to the memory of the thing, to the hope of the thing. Itís insane, itís fucking insanity, itís not what I do.
now I thrash, now I thrash and kick, I thrash and kick and scream and cry and bite at the thing but it wonít give, it just wonít give enough for me to walk, It just wonít give enough for me to pick myself up and walk they way I do, walk the way I always do
I donít know why, it was nothing, nothing really, just another man at another time in another place, nothing, nothing to speak of nothing special, nothing different than before, nothing to beat me down to this, to lower me to this: woman missing man, woman all fucked up over man, Iím too strong for it, too remote, I donít care, I never care
Iím the one that keeps her distance, the one that keeps her distance and walks away soundless, no explanation, no cursory excuse, Iím the indifferent woman not that missing woman, not that broken woman burned down to coal, burned down to ash of coal, itís not the way I do things, I walk, I walk, I walk and I donít look back, I never look back, not ever and anyways, anyways
anyways it was nothing, nothing really-nothing special, nothing different nothing new, there were no great revelations, no earth bending transcendences, nothing I tell you, it was nothing.