A Groupon for Women's Plus-Size Mermaid Swimsuit
It's landed three times in my inbox this week.
And of course, curiosity finally got the best of me.
Shimmering verdant fish scales from the waist down,
accented by your choice of colorful bowed bandeau:
for the true blue mariner,
Bright Fuchsia for the flirty pool-party girl,
for the mermaid confident in her own scales,
Fiery Red for the siren temptress of the sea,
and Basic Black,
as if slimming and demure are even plausible at this point.
The photos sans humans require a lot from the imagination.
I try to picture my body, or any women's body,
wearing one of these so-called flattering, haltered-top,
body skimming bodysuits by the pool,
or lounging on the lido deck of a cruise ship.
Will the spandex and built-in bra
accentuate my curves, elongate my torso?
Will I appear naturally glamorous,
perched perhaps upon a rock jetting out of the sea?
I doubt it.
they're quite in-demand this summer.
Over 1,000 wanna-be mermaids
have already taken the $24.99 bait.