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I was tryna run-away and everything on my mind
I did speak,
so mommy put me in a mental institution for two weeks'.
Well, I call it a mental health facility,
makes me feel better about my mental instability.
You see, I'm Bi-Polar and that's not a bisexual Eskimo,
that's when your mind don't know when to let you go
and me and the devil fight toe-to-toe.
He wants my soul but I won't let him take it
and if I pray hard enough to God I'm sure I can make it.
It's no need to fake it my mind has a little hitch,
but some see me as nothing more than
a crazy bi-polar bitch.
And I can't blame them 'cuz my mood swings is crazy,
my intentions sometimes hazy,
But I'd be letting the devil win
if I let this condition faze me,
Sometimes I feel that God was being lazy when he passed out sanity,
'cuz for some no good reason he
didn't give enough to me,
and he didn't give people enough sense to see that bi-polar is not a handicap.
It's nothing more than a minor set-back
that threw my life a little off track.
But I'm still headed in the right direction.
Still a normal girl who's afraid of rejection,
looking for affection from those who are willing to give,
taking life one day at a time but never afraid to live.
I try my best to forgive but I tend to hold a grudge,
and I believe that only God in heaven can judge.
So I'm not that much different from those who are clinically sane,
except for the fact that I take medicine to maintain my sane mindframe
and keep my emotions tame at the same time.
Other than that I'm fine and you should be, too.
Don't feel bad for me 'cuz I have no sympathy left for you,
I used it all for myself and I put self pity up on a high shelf and I left it there to die,
and when I think about this burden I try to keep tears from my eyes.
I refuse to wear a disguise and pretend to be something I'm not,
'cuz that would be like me telling a story without havin' a plot,
like, me wearing a skirt and it's not even hot,
like, me not crying the day Tupac got shot.
I would make no sense, it just wouldn't be me,
and I feel that talking about my instability is the only way to set me free.
Poetry's my therapy, I don't need a therapist,
'cuz all he does is make a list of my many imperfections and magnifies my insecurities.
All I really want is for him to show me where to find purity,
but his guess is as good as mine and I don't see any signs leading to this illness-free world,
so I guess I'll forever be that mood swing havin',
crazy and sometimes depressed-ass girl
who could care less about what you think, as far as the negative reviews
'cuz I can't control hatred so you can dislike me if you choose.
But just remember this, they say ignorance is bliss,
so I'm sorry for making you unhappy or upset,
I just want you to know that in life for me, this is as good as it gets.
copyright 2004
Quiana
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